Being a mom is hard. Being a wife is hard. Relationships are hard. Responsibilities are hard. Kids are hard - it’s all hard. As a mom of two, and a Christian mom at that, I find it important to be honest to everyone around me about the trials we face daily. Snobby and “perfect” Christians are not a True representation of our condition and our need for a Savior. The lie that we need to have it “all together all of the time” is only turning people away from the faith, unfortunately. It’s just not realistic and completely unattainable. However, by complaining about our kids and our husbands - the biggest blessings from the LORD - we are also not being True representations of repenting sinners saved by the Grace of God.
Avoid godless chatter, because those who indulge in it will become more and more ungodly. 2 Timothy 2:16
The fact is that God does not want us to complain - ever.
(See: Philippians 2:14, Ephesians 4:29, James 5:9, 1 Peter 4:9, 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, Philippians 4:11, Psalms 106:25, 1 Corinthians 10:10, Matthew 12:34)
So, then what do we do? The temptation is to “connect” with other moms by sharing the same struggles, and by seeming relatable and not to push others away by being too “preachy.” But remember, everything we do is for the LORD, not to make ourselves look either more relatable or more like a “perfect Christian mom” to others. So, we know that motherhood is hard, and being a Christian is hard - “adulting” in general is hard. But, we also know that we are not to complain about anything. Then how do we relate to other young moms to lead them or strengthen them in the faith?
This does not mean that as Christians we shouldn’t be sincere and honest about everything. The LORD despises pride and if we were already perfect, then why would we need Him anyways?! There’s a fine line between piety and pretentious. We don’t want to glorify ourselves but to glorify God. And since honesty is always the best policy, a simple pointing out the facts is fair - this is hard. We’re not sugar-coating it but also not dramatizing it. There’s no need to complain when we say that, and no need to speak ill of family - especially not the little ears in the room. Let’s stop that evil in its tracks. The next time you’re out and the baby starts crying or there’s fighting between kids over a toy, by all means don’t lie - it’s hard. However, what do we know about hard things, biblically?
We know, at the very least, that our Savior did the hardest thing ever for all of us - giving up His life. We also know, as followers of the Messiah, that we are to imitate His sacrifice for others. We know that this is a hard commitment to make, but we also know that following Him is better than following anything else in this world. We can very well choose not to, but then we would be robbing ourselves of blessings intended for us. With the faith that discipline and obedience brings great reward from our God through our example given to us from Christ our LORD, we choose to give up our own lives each day in order to serve our Father. Is it easy giving up your own life?! Absolutely not! Especially when the world is constantly telling us that we should “love ourselves first.” Denying ourselves completely and constantly is hard - but our example did it to the point of death FOR US. Therefore, we imitate Him by then doing that for our families. It is a reason to rejoice to have the opportunity to bear our cross daily as our example, Jesus Christ our LORD - not to be seen by others as having it “all together” but out of gratitude and submission to our God.
“Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”Hebrews 12:7-11 NIV
Since we are to be grateful for our hardships and not complaining, how, then, do we communicate that with other struggling young moms without sounding insincere? We know that the hardships lead to discipline which leads to our Kingdom that endures for eternity. In every hardship and self-sacrifice mimicking our King, we should “be thankful, and worship God acceptably with reverence and awe” (Hebrews 12:28). As moms, we are to discipline our minds to have a constant mental shift from how hard it is, to how grateful we are for the blessings, worshipping Him. Therefore, when we get together with other moms, it shouldn’t be a total “vent sesh” grieving all of our frustrations in a vain attempt to not feel alone. Our Savior made His sacrifice alone. His disciples were not up there with Him. But, the LORD strengthened Him through His sacrifice to remain obedient to His will. We also have the LORD strengthening us to remain obedient to His will for our lives, if we choose to call upon Him. To be honest, motherhood is a lonely job, but so was Jesus’ - it was just Him and God. Likewise for us moms. Next time we get together with other moms, we can curb complaints and instead take for granted these opportunities for encouragement: that the LORD rewards those who take up their cross daily to follow Him.
Then Jesus said to his disciples, "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. Matthew 16:24
We can state the honest fact that it is hard, but then also explain that if we did not have these hardships, then we would not have the opportunities for discipline to become more like our Savior every day. The LORD strengthens us to accomplish all of our responsibilities as His daughters and for the sake of His Kingdom. As Christian moms, we understand that these sacrifices are not about what we lose, but instead about what others around us gain just as the LORD demonstrated. It is hard, and we fail constantly since we are all sinners falling short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23), but sitting with Him every morning (or nap, or bedtime, etc.) before the kids wake up and reading His Word to remind us of His strength, faithfulness, and will for our lives is what gets us by daily. He will provide for us for eternity, no matter what we face. Exemplifying trust in the LORD to others is what glorifies His holiness to the people around us (Numbers 20). Making friends with these other moms may or may not be part of our mission but glorifying His name always will be. Complaining together creates a false sense of closeness and not a deep, lasting relationship that we’d hope to gain in another mom. Obey God‘s ways and there is always a reward.
It’s important to be sincere about hardships since pride only inflates distance between people. God loves us all, and if there’s another mom who is truly struggling, then it’s definitely important that she not feel alone in her time of need. We all struggle! However, focusing on her struggle is not encouraging and explaining to her our own struggles in a vain attempt to relate is only making the conversation all about us, which is not very loving at all. The most loving way to react would be to stress the fact that her Father is just waiting to sit with her daily to be able to pour His love out on her wounds to strengthen her. She may roll her eyes, but that young mom needs to hear that time in His Word daily will show her the glory of the LORD in her life and that only then will she feel His power resting over her and her family.
As moms, it’s so easy to be concerned with the wrong things - cleaning, cooking, self-care, appearance, money, status, our home, etc., but the LORD only cares about two things - that we love Him above all else, and love others as ourselves. That’s all that matters to Him - just loving these people He’s put in our lives! How much simpler His yoke is compared to the world’s!
So, let’s not let our next play dates turn into a whirl of negativity, blaspheming the name of the LORD, but instead make it an opportunity to spread His LOVE. The power of Christ has worked in your life to deliver you from the sins of your past which helps make you a better mom today. This should be spoken far more often than anything else. Whether they choose to repent or not, at least you have successfully been honest about your human limitations trying to guide these little ones, and also God’s glory in how He strengthens you to continue in His will daily.
Be prepared for your next conversation with another young mom by starting today. If you haven’t already, read a chapter in your Bible, copy down a verse that is meaningful to you from that chapter, and write out a short prayer to the LORD concerning that verse. You can start on Genesis 1:1, Matthew 1:1, or John 1:1. The biggest mistake we tend to make is assuming that we already know the Bible and there’s nothing left to know about His plans for us. It’s amazing how much He has to show us!
“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’” Matthew 7:21-23 NIV
It’s simple - if we don’t know Him, then He’ll say He doesn’t know us when He returns. You don’t know how much you don’t know 😉 Start today to grow closer with Him, and then write down your testimony and what you would be willing to share about your struggles and His strength to be prepared so that you do not fall into the same cycle of natural sin next time you meet with another young mom.
Peace to you, your families, and all of the other young moms in your life!
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